As I write this, I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Mobile, Alabama, delicately holding a sleeping baby like a ticking time bomb while my wife writes a research paper on lifespan development periods for her Master of Arts in Christian Education (because we need seminary-trained women to minister to women too).
This is the best I can do for productivity right now — write about what it's like to be a young dad in ministry when you can't be productive.
2 Weeks Later…
For the sake of transparency, I couldn't even finish this article. As my wife needed to complete her homework so we could enjoy our mini-getaway, our little girl decided she needed 110% of my attention. I'm now writing from our 4th of July weekend visit to Greenville, South Carolina where my parents and brother just moved. They're watching our baby, so I've had a few minutes to drink coffee, read John 6 where Jesus reminds us we don't need more signs or physical benefits from Him, but simply to believe in Him as the bread of life, and finally finish this newsletter.
Productivity as a parent is nearly impossible…and that is okay.
Whether it's the productivity old guard like David Allen in Getting Things Done and Stephen Covey with 7 Habits of Highly Effective People or the new wave of James Clear, Cal Newport, and Ali Abdaal, our culture is obsessed with productivity. We want to hack our lives so our output increases while our input decreases. We want habits that transform us into the people we aspire to be. Atomic Habits has remained on Amazon's bestseller list for 275 weeks. We invest in books, courses, coaches, consulting, home appliances, and countless other tools trying to optimize our lives.
I recently spoke with someone who grew up mowing his yard. He enjoyed it, but as his career advanced, he realized the time spent getting gas, fixing the mower, mowing, stopping to fix the mower again, weed-eating, and storing everything costs him 1/3 of a workday—far more than what he pays a company to mow his lawn weekly. By outsourcing this task, his productivity increases dramatically at relatively low cost.
We strive to be more productive with our jobs and lives so we can do what we truly want to do.
But what happens when someone enters your life who makes you less "productive" on your terms?
When I dated my wife, it took 90 minutes each way to drive to her from Lebanon to Clarksville, Tennessee. She would sometimes come to me, but mostly, I drove to her to make things easier for her. Even when she visited me, I stayed awake and alert to ensure she made it home safely. Dating her reduced my productivity in other areas. I worked out less. I had to squeeze in creative time. There were days I sacrificed activities with friends or church to be with her. I invested a lot of gas, miles, money, and time to see her 2-3 times each week.
From certain angles, I was less productive in my daily output. But it was for something much, much better.
Enter my baby. She is the greatest obstacle to productivity in my life since the invention of the iPhone. She's wonderful, but I can hardly write, read, eat, use the restroom, clean the house, work on schoolwork, or really do anything when I'm 100% responsible for her. My wife confirmed she struggled with the same limitations. To be honest, I was initially skeptical until I experienced moments when I gave my wife a reprieve to sleep or work on something else. Then I truly understood the beautiful obstacle my baby presented to something as simple as folding and putting away clothes.
It can be frustrating, especially when you have expectations to be productive or pursue a desire or dream. This explains the common trope of a struggling married couple where one partner erupts in frustration, feeling their life has become emptier because family responsibilities consume so much of their time and they cannot pursue their dreams. But this derives not because family negates the pursuit of something great but because we only have a limited amount of waking hours. Even if you are one of those people who sleep 3-4 hours and then get to work or one of those influencers who showcase that you dip your face in sparkling water at 3:40 A.M., there are going to be times when you do not feel productive unless you completely untether yourself to others and high expectations.
As a young dad in ministry, there are a lot of responsibilities on your shoulders.
A Personal Relationship with Jesus
A Healthy Relationship with Your Wife
An Intentional Relationship with Your Child(ren)
Work (whether you work in a church or outside, it is difficult to blend the two)
Church (vocational, bivocational, volunteer)
School (if you are in bible college or seminary or just continuing your education through self study)
Friends
Family
Home Maintenance
Personal Health
Creative Endeavors
You likely have your own list with even more items on it, but regardless, there are many things you simply can't opt out of. Being a Christian, husband, and father aren't just things you do—they're core parts of your identity. Work and church are non-negotiable, even if your level of engagement varies. Some activities not on this list (recreation, travel, entrepreneurship) can be set aside, but these are often what excite you most and drive your desire to be more productive.
As a young dad in ministry, my opportunities to say yes and no multiply daily. I'm asked to preach, teach, travel, visit people through my job, attend conferences, and more. The list of responsibilities never ends. Working toward being a pastor, teacher, and leader opens doors that require at least some productivity. God doesn't call us to laziness. He gives us plenty to do—enough to work for six days and rest for a Sabbath.
But I have to ask myself, "Am I laying my family on the altar because God said so, like Abraham did with Isaac, or am I laying them on the altar like the followers of Molech, burning their babies thinking that they were doing something better for themselves only?"
There are times when I don't feel productive by my own standards. I think, "I need to write my paper. I need to send this email. I need to read this book. I want to write for fun. I want to sit down and zone out for a few minutes after a long day." Just as I reach for these goals, responsibility enters the picture. My family needs me to be "unproductive" in my view but productive for our family's health. Sometimes, it's spending hours trying to put Lottie to sleep. Other times, it's going on a walk with my wife and baby so we can take a breather from the chaos of chores.
It comes down to the Biblical version and superhero version of the same quote:
"To whom much is given, much is required." -Luke 12:48
"With great power comes great responsibility." -Uncle Ben to Spider Man
When we cannot be productive, when we cannot work on our own projects when we want to, we must realize that our family is not a reprehensible nuisance to our advancement but a cherished gift of sanctified responsibility. This helps us slow down like Jesus did with Martha, encouraging us to choose the good portion—to choose what matters most over what feels urgent and important for us personally.
Here are three reminders when you don't feel productive:
Remember... Productivity is not our greatest priority. People are.
Mark 3:14-15 shows that being with Jesus takes priority, even over preaching for Jesus. Jesus wants us to believe in Him, abide in Him, and be with Him over preaching. There will be people who say they were productive for Jesus but felt they couldn't be present with Him. The same applies to our families, young ministry dads. Giving up ministry opportunities or things we want to do isn't a lack of productivity. It's prioritizing the people in our lives.
There have been times when I've met with people who took their time in conversation. Even though part of me wanted to move on to the next thing and continue being productive, the most important thing was being present with them.
Remember... Productivity comes down to your priorities, so what are you prioritizing?
Jesus said, "Do not rejoice that you have power to cast out demons but that your name is written in heaven." We will make time for what is most important.
Remember... True productivity happens with the most important things, and that's okay.
We will be productive in what matters most. One summer in the Philippines, we had a "disconnect to connect" policy where we didn't use phones. I had mine only for emergencies, and I read three books in two days while filling out four journals. Was this because I was normally wasting time? No. It was because I didn't have distractions in my hand. Our productivity works the same way. We will be productive in what matters most, but then the question becomes: will we waste our remaining time or make the most of it? If you only have 30 minutes of free time, should you use it watching TV or writing? Don't complain about not being able to write or do something you want if you're participating in activities that waste your time. If you don't have time to do everything you want, understand that you can only do what's most important. You don't have time for everything, so you must make time for what matters the most.
Question: How do you balance your priorities when family responsibilities limit your productivity? As a young parent in ministry, how do you redefine productivity to include time spent with family?